i just want this all to end. i dont care about the future anymore. i only want the present. my life is already messed up enough. you might say it started off with my fault, but they reap what they sow. some might think my interest lies in sitting in front of the computer and play till im savvy. but i my biggest wish is to just walk down a path silently without a care of the world. the torment that lives within my inner confines, who would understand? sure, you would say you feel my pain. but is it the words that are dwelling up your sympathy? you say you understand my torment, but you know nothing of it. not even bits of anything close to it. i really envy the life outside, but due to personal reasons i am restricted to it. oh how anyone would love the sunlight caressing unto you. i might not admit to criticisms because the truth does hurt. you might call me a coward but if you were in my shoes you will experience the pain of being looked down upon. sure, first impressions are always the way to judge people. i must admit, i always judge people by first impressions. you might say im just a measly human, like the others around me. but you are wrong. i have gone through much more than you thought. people listen to my stories, not the other way round. i always try to look at myself from the point of view of others. perhaps thats why i can be more sensitive to people at times. i try to be as nice to people as i could. i failed. people just doesnt understand what it is like to live through malice every day and night and still feel it echoing through your innermost sanctums. how nice it would be if i could just end all this once and for all. i do not fear death, but i fear after-death. would anyone find out the pain that i have gone through? or will that mourn with clueless sympathy? whats gone is gone. i dont want others to continue grieving if they ever were to. but a part of me would still want them to know what has gone wrong. people always ask me "do you know what this will do to you?" but it isnt authority i fear. it is what authority does. before authoritised, they will say "i will make people like me". but after, it would be "i will keep my authority". of course there are a few handful which doesnt change. but most of them think that way. the loss of trust for your selfish positions, how common is that nowadays. i have seen many counsellors through out my life, and all of them have always claimed to be a friend. or do they? you let out your secret, only to find out that the people that you didnt want to tell, know of it. that is why i hate them. i merely treat them as acquaintances. my life has been messed up enough, and i want this all to end. this might be my curtain's call after all...

guitarfreak!
9:09 AM